Real life, people. Nose pickin', shoeless, hairbow-less children. OUR children. At the end of the day, that's all that mattered. Not how they looked, not how many of the Judges' words I actually heard that day as I wrestled one of my babies...they were officially deemed OURS. Forever. Praise the Lord.
Some things have changed since adoption day, but many things have remained the same. We couldn't have loved our girls' anymore after those papers were signed than we already did when we walked in to the courthouse that day. They captured our hearts on day one. I guess the biggest changes have come in the form of no longer depending on others (DFCS, etc) to make decisions on our girls' behalf, not having monthly or bi-monthly visits from our social workers, writing their NEW names (which I LOVE). While I really do miss our visits with our sweet social workers/family consultants, I have to admit that it's nice to just have the freedom of being...parents. Legal parents. Parents that can allow themselves to finally jump off the emotional roller coaster of foster care after twenty-one LONG months. Will we foster again? Yes, we intend to. Our foster care agency (FaithBridge Foster Care) places adoptive families on hold for six month after an adoption is finalized to give that family time to bond as a new family. I certainly welcome these next several months. Even though we got the girls' as babies and have already had a chance to form strong bonds with them, it will be nice to give them our undivided, unhindered attention before welcoming more children into our home.
Two things we are still asked often...1. How do you do it? I just couldn't handle the emotional aspect of fostering. 2. So...You can't have children?
How do we do it?? And WHY on earth would we choose to jump back on that emotional roller coaster after we've just witnessed how gut wrenching it can really be? Looking back, I can honestly say that Aaron and I really had no clue before we got the girls' how hard fostering them would truly be. I cried more tears, felt more panic and lost more sleep over situations that I had absolutely no control over. Some days were really, really hard. Would we get to adopt the girls'? Would they have to go back? If they have to go back, what will happen to them? If they have to go back, what will happen to ME? I allowed Satan, on so many occasions, to work WAY overtime in my thought life. And I 100% believe that he (Satan) is the reason that so many people are afraid to jump on the foster care/adoption bandwagon. He doesn't want these children taken care of. He loves to see them without homes, without Mama's and Daddy's, broken, left to die, essentially. And no...that's not being dramatic...that's reality for these children. We allow Satan those footholds that strike fear in our hearts and those footholds that tell us that we have way better things to do than to allow our homes to become maybe a little uncomfortable for us for the sake of providing comfort for someone else. He wants us to be afraid...and he wants us to be selfish. That's who Satan is and what he's best at. So, I don't think it's a matter of NOT being able to handle the emotions (though that part is REALLY hard). I think it's a matter of figuring out the source of your fear and asking the Lord to pour His courage into every fiber of your being in order to walk in obedience.
And yes...I totally get that not everyone can or SHOULD become foster or adoptive families. But there are other ways you can help out...and pretty soon, I hope to share with you a really neat and tangible way that you and your family can help without having children in your home if that isn't an option for you. More to come on that!
So, how do we do it? We trust Jesus. He is King over the flood, so surely, He is big enough to take care of our hearts, especially when we walk in obedience to the things He calls us to. I am so thankful that we didn't allow the temptation of fear and of selfishness to steal the blessing of our baby girls'.
Soooo...you can't have children?!? People mean well when they ask this...they really do. Adoption just isn't the traditional way to go about adding to a family. And again, fostering/adopting was something that Aaron and I discussed as an option for our family before we even got married. But no...to answer this question. So far, the Lord has allowed my womb to remain barren. And I know that every woman is different, but adding to our family through adoption has not made the desire that I have to conceive a child any less. Please don't get me wrong....I could not love my girls' anymore than if I had given birth to them myself. This world does not satisfy...my husband will never be able to fully satisfy me...my daughters will never be able to fully satisfy me...even if I one day give birth to a child...that would still never fully satisfy me. It has taken me quite a while to grasp this, and I know that I never fully will, but only by allowing God's Word and His Truth to penetrate my heart can I ever be truly satisfied. Only in Him. I will share one quick thing that I heard from a Matt Chandler podcast recently that has really shaped the way I look at my lack of being able to conceive. He said something along the lines of "the blessing of the Old Testament was to make babies, but the blessing of the New Testament is to make disciples". Having children is such an incredible blessing. And in the Old Testament, that was God's command..."Go, be fruitful and multiply!". But in the New Testament, His command is different, "Go, make disciples.". Ahh..what an eye opener for me! My earthly body may not have the ability to make babies, but it totally has the ability to make disciples. I have been given the gift of two incredible daughters to help make into disciples of Christ. It doesn't matter what season of life you are in or if you can make babies or not...you CAN make disciples and that is where the blessing is. So, go....
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